Battle of the Bulge: Day One

Binge-Eating (Adapted Victory)

Last night didn’t go quite according to plan. I had no appetite in the early hours of evening, and was deeply immersed in one of my novels. So in lieu of not eating after seven, I ate responsibly at eight. I heated up one of the individually packaged meals that my husband left for me, and then had one cup of Chex Mix (which, as it turns out is two servings). Considering that I would normally eat the entire bag of snacks, I’ll put measuring out a portion in the win column.

Following dinner and a salty snack, I would usually go foraging through the sweets (which are abundant in our pantry); and though I was extremely tempted to do so as I sat streaming one of my favorite programs, I opted instead for turning the television off — since this seems to be a trigger for binging — and attempted to continue reading… but the urge to grab cookies and candy was stronger than my concentration, so I got up and went to bed at nine o’clock. Another check-mark in the killing-it column!

90 Miles in 90 Days (Victory)

I woke up at 5:55 this morning, but just couldn’t drag my butt further than the restroom and back. Inexplicably exhausted after nine hours of sleep, I shut the alarm off and went back to dozing. I woke again around 7:30, and came up with a dozen excuses for not hitting the trail: I’m tired. It’s warming up out there. I have homework to do. I don’t want to leave Tocho in the yard for too long. Etcetera. But then I thought, “You know what, Lady. You gave your readers your word… and your word is something that you value. You have a responsibility to them and to yourself. Get off your duff and start moving!”

I did make a promise to you, my lovely readers, so I threw on my hiking boots (remembered not to hit the mod, though the urge was incredibly strong) and drove (sans mod) to one of my favorite stomping grounds. Right around the one mile mark, my right shin was throbbing so badly I thought I might start whining in agony, so I surrendered to the warning pain. Much to my chagrin, I only clomped through 1.37 miles of trail. But! It’s better to slowly build back up then to push and injure oneself.

Vaping: Nicotine is a Nasty B*tch (Fail)

Here, I kept half a vow. I did not hit the mod before hiking, and I did not take it with me while traversing through town in the Civic. (A for effort.) However…

Upon returning home the only thing I wanted to do was hit the mod. It was seriously all I could think about while cruising in my vehicle, and plodding through the desert — I want nicotine!!! I reached for it out of habit — more than once — while driving, only to be frustrated by its absence.

I walked through the carport door, let Tocho in, put all of my things away, and then bolted for the mod, and haven’t been able to relinquish it since. Ah, nicotine. Sweet, sweet stimulant that I love. And yes, I’m sitting here writing with the damn thing by my side, hitting it as often as my addiction-addled mind demands. (So much for the hutch fix. *Palm to forehead*)

My nicotine habit is going to be the toughest one to kick. Not only because as an addiction it has its claws deeply embedded in my psyche from decades of use, but because I dearly love it. Smoking has always been a comfort to me, and perhaps it always will be.

Anyone who has ever conquered their demons — especially where addiction is concerned — knows that the only path to success is one that you take for yourself. Sadly, I’m not confident that I’ve reached the point of truly wanting to give up the mod. Not yet.

So, we have a tally-mark in the loss column today; but the wins outweigh the singular loss, so I will not let that discourage me.

Mitchell emphatically warned that this was going to be my toughest fight. He thought buying less supplies was an idiotically hopeful thing to do; and maybe he was right. (He usually is, the stubborn, wise ol’ bastard.) If I can continue to travel without it, that’s progress. Especially considering that my “happy place” has always been in the driver’s seat, singing away to my favorite tunes, and blowing smoke out the window.

You’re sure to lose a few battles in an attempt to win the war… and damn it! I’m still in the fight.

Music Interlude: Meghan Trainer “All About That Bass”

Because you’ve got to have a sense of humor! 😂

2 thoughts on “Battle of the Bulge: Day One

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