Rats and Danish

Okay. So. Good news, not-so-good-news, and embarrassing hilarity to share this morning.

The Not-So-Good

I did use the Lose It app yesterday, and ate twice before seven in the evening — at which time I was below my daily budget of 1,275 calories. But when eight o’clock rolled around, I ate enough Chex Mix to throw me over the budget… and then decided, “F*ck it, let’s go for broke. If nothing else, we’ll find out what a typical day with a nightly binge looks like.” I proceeded to dive face first (quite literally) into the Entenmann’s stash of danish and donuts. (This is an addict mentality, I know: If it ain’t perfect, burn it to the ground. 🤦🏻‍♀️)

I saved all the wrappers, and decided I wouldn’t look at the damage I’d done until after my hike this morning — figuring the endorphin rush would soften the blow. Turns out, I ended up 1,982 calories over budget. (And the happy hormones did help, because I didn’t feel like shaming myself for it.)

Thankfully, I’ve eaten through most of the snacks that Mitch left for me; so hopefully, I can start to reign in the calories with the assistance of the app, and the absence of greedy choices. And! I finally understand why my on-again-off-again bouts of daily hiking have only led to maintaining my weight, rather than losing it — too many damn calories, and too little understanding of them.

Side note: Can someone please explain to me why one damn danish is two servings?! Or why they put eight mini donuts in one container, if only four constitute a single serving?! I have a feeling the devil has something to do with that — reel ’em in with the sin of gluttony. Mischievous lil’ bastard.

The Good: Three Down, Eighty-Seven to Go

I woke up before the 5:30 alarm this morning, and thought “I’m not doing this today. I am not getting out of this bed.” But when the alarm went off, I rolled over and woke Tocho with some gentle petting (he’s not an early riser and hates when Mitch is gone, because he can’t stay in the bed all day), and then got my butt in gear.

I got out to the trail just shy of 6:30; and one hour and eight minutes later I’d hiked 3.82 miles, and with some inspiration from Nicky — I could hear him whispering, “You’re limitless, Big Sis. You got this!” — I climbed all of the hills in the park.

Embarrassing Hilarity (Or So I Was Told…)

After I do a warm-up lap on the hiking path, I stop to stretch and roll my shoulders. This morning, there was a really pretty songbird in one of the cottonwood trees — a black one with bright red crescents on his wings — and as I was looking up, I felt an odd weight cross one of my boots. I looked down to find the the fattest swamp rat I’d ever seen just chillin’ on my footwear.

My piercing, girly scream of horror ripped through the quiet of the morning, and as I wildly kicked my foot — sending the rat flying into a tree (from which he quickly recovered and dashed away into the marsh) — I lost my footing. I fell in heap still shouting, “Rat! Gross!” along with other obscenities, in an absurdly high pitch.

As I dusted myself off, and got back to my feet, I heard peals of laughter from further along the trail. Turns out, there was a group of four birders in the brush — running video cameras and taking shots of the songbird. They were laughing uncontrollably; and once they came to their senses, told me that was by far the funniest damn thing they’d caught on camera out there. One man even told me he might post the feed to his blog.

So I called my eleven-year-old nephew, Johnny, and told him the story. His giggling, along with my mother’s laughter, was well worth the shock and disgust of my brief contact with the ugly rodent.

Coincidentally, I was watching “Nurse Jackie” last night, and saw the “Rat Falls” episode in Season Three. One of the nurses, Zoey, has just sat down at her desk to enjoy a salad wrap when a rat comes crashing through the ceiling tiles and scares the crap out of her. An odd, but parallel experience.😂

Ⓒ Showtime, “Nurse Jackie”

Music Interlude: Meghan Trainor “NO”

Except, of course, my enemy in this scenario is pastry in lieu of a man… 😏

5 thoughts on “Rats and Danish

    • I ran into this issue on a prepackaged salad yesterday. I picked it up at the grocery store because it had a big sticker on it that read “170 calories”. I didn’t notice the teeny little letters below it that said “per serving”. Only after I ate it, did I realize the package contained 3.5 servings. When did food start being served in such enormous proportions?! It’s frustrating as all hell. 🤬

      Liked by 1 person

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